Having to indentify my son on the Morning of Sunday March 5, 2006, left me with a feelings that I can't put into words. Each night at home I would sob myself to sleep. I feel that in a world that expects the macho image, showing emotion is taken as losing control.  I remembers trying to maintain an exterior cover, trying to function at work and at home. Its a different kind of stress a bereaved parent experiences. All your values in life are changing.  We wake up in the morning crying and we go to bed crying, I walked around with clenched jaws. After a while I realize that my jaw hurts. You have no tolerance for anything when you are so emotionally weakened, you became angry easily and everything is an insult.  Shamiza, Trevor and I feel such a sense of helplesness, it drives us to examin our personal values and our philosophy.  The impact of the shock of our son's death, nature plays a role.  It puts us in a fog because we cannot cope.  Three or four weeks afterward, when friends and relatives are no longer with you, reality sets in, the reality is that you must accept ont only your son's death but part of your own death. That terror of death is in every one of us, but when it is forced into your home, you are ill equipped to handle it.