YOUR HONOR,

On March 4, 2006,  my son Kevin Persaud was murdered.  These two years have been hell on earth for us.  As his mother, I've tried to find the words to tell you how his murder has impacted my life.  There are not adequate words in English language to describe the pain, anger and despair that I've been feeling from that day.  When this young man took Kevin's life, my life was shattered.  I've spent two year trying to put pieces back together, but it can't be done, a big piece is missing.

Kevin was a loving, giving young man with a heart of gold.  He was my first born, he taught me so much about life, even though I was the parent and he was the child.  The greatest lesson Kevin taught me was how to love completely and unconditionally.  All through his life, he continued to teach me.  And through his death, he is still my teacher.  Now he is teaching me that I can live with a broken heart, to pick up the pieces and go on, and to do things that I never thought I could.

We lost a son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend who was greately loved.  In the past two years I've watched helplessly as his dad and his little brother struggled with their pain, anger and grief.

Kevin should have been here to be his brother's BEST MAN, he should be here to be the doting uncle for his nieces and nephews that would be here someday, he should be here to take a wife and to have his own children, OUR GRANDCHILDREN.

I've watched my husband lose his father because he was unable to deal with the stress and grief caused by his grandson's murder, my father-in-law passed away 4 months ago, I've watched my mother-in-law's mind deteriorate to the point of having to be hospitalized for the past 3 months.

Our family has always been close.  We've always celebrated the major holidays at my mother-in-law's home.  Our parents are now deprived of these family gatherings in their final years they will live.  It is too painful for us now, with Kevin gone, our family is drifting apart, another loss caused by his murder.

As for me Kevin's murder took everything away from me.  It took my identity, my security, my innocence, my rest, my happiness, my peace, my memory, my physical activities, my ability to enjoy anything in life.

His murder gave me......Sleepless nights, nightmares, and night terrors.  It gave me Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it gave me depression, panic and anxiety attacks, no energy and no desire to wake up, and a struggle to simply find a reason to survive each day.  It gave me tears upon tears, pain upon pain, it covered my world in darkness and sadness, pain and anger.  It almost destroyed my marriage, it continues to destroy my health a little at a time. I have now become very sensitive to noise and crowds.  There is not one second of the day that I don't see his body, that I don't see his face and blood, that I don't live with the terror  and horror of my son dead in an open field.

There is not second that I don't long for him.  He is the first thought in my mind when I wake up and the last thought before I sleep and all the thoughts through the day.  He was my first born, my son, my child.  He did not deserve to be so cruelly taken, I did not deserve to have to live the rest of my life with this pain and without my child.

The hardest thing for me , is knowing the pain and terror Kevin suffered at the time of his murder, the horror he felt when he realized that someone was now taking his life.  Thel helplessness he must have felt knowing he was going to die.  The pain I know he felt for what this would do to his family, a family he loved and cared so much about.

Kevin was a good and honest person, not perfect but never gave us any trouble, he always felt free to come and talk to us about anything.  He knew we would be there for him.  He was just beginning to live his life.  Kevin had a good job that he enjoyed and was doing very well, he was 17 and talking of saving his money to buy his own car soon.  His life was finally coming together.

He was compassionate, caring and non-judgemental. He would give you the last dollar in his wallet if you needed it and that is something I taught him from very little.  He cared about people, he never judged anyone because of the color of their skin, religion or bank account, he always looked for the good in everyone he met, and he had many friends who miss him enormously.  I am constantly meeting new people who tell me they knew Kevin, was a friend of his and how much he meant to them, I am constantly hearing stories from someone new about how Kevin touched their lives or helped them when they needed help.

He was a child with exquisite taste for things in life, he loved the people in his life, loved his home, loved being outdoors fishing or playing football and basketball, he loved spending time with his family and friends or just hanging out.  He loved rap and reggae music and was proud of his Guyanese heritage.  MY SON LOVED LIFE.